Originality exists in every individual because each of us differs from the others. We are all primary numbers divisible only by ourselves.”

I am big on numbers. For those of you who don't know, some of my friends tease me because I am constantly counting things. Sofa cushions, letters on street signs, people walking by, whatever! I like to count and make them divisible by three. So, I replay the image in my mind over and over again until I can group them all by three. If not three, then four. I don't know why I do this and I cannot remember a time I started. I am no genius in math. I just love numbers. Sometimes, I will even add numbers up and see if they are divisible by three. Just my thing and the more I do it, the more I realize, numbers are everywhere!

Let's start with these numbers...196; my highest weight in life. 164; my lowest weight in my life. 181; my weight now. 2507; the amount of money I have raised so far with my weight loss. 8; the number of days left to lose weight. 90; the number of people supporting me. 15; the number of people participating in the Fat Off.

I look at the first few numbers and at first, they scare me. I must say I am a little embarrassed of my current and highest weight. But, I figure if I put it out there for anyone to read, what is left to hide? I would say it was about two years ago when I was thinnest. I worked hard. I walked, I ate well, I drank an overabundance of water, and I felt the best I have ever felt in my life. 164....I remember in HS thinking that the perfect weight for me would be 160. I know doctors say it should be less than that but what the hell scale do they work on? The scale which monitors the healthy weight for someone with an eating disorder?!?! Please, doc, factor in boobs and drinking. No sane person will ever turn either one of those away. Thus, recalculate. Some of my friends told me I was too thin when I was 164. I don't agree with that but it reminds that it really is just relative, isn't it? My whole life I have criticized my sister for getting too thin or simply, not being overweight like I was. Can I, with this one post, take that all back? I congratulate all of you who are working to a better lifestyle. All of you who look damn good in that two piece. And, all of you who don't but know you are doing all that you can!

See, my goal was 20 lbs and to be honest, I am at 12.4 and I didn't think I would make it this far. I know numbers are a big part of my life, but why do I have to hate them? I have gone from busting out of a 14 to a size 12 in just two months! I think that is pretty darn good. And I think that because I feel it. The numbers may not be where I want them to be yet and they may not be to the approval of others, but I like them! In the next 8 days, I will be dedicated to good eating...I will do my best at the wedding on Sat. And you know what, my best that day may be drinking 5 glasses of wine! But, my numbers are mine. They are the truth of my effort, my hard work, and my slip-ups.

So, count on, my friends! If you cannot escape the truth of numbers...embrace the truth of who you are!

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's ME.

Aaaaah, it's hump day!!! I have always loved Wednesdays. I find there is such a sense of hope in a day placed in the middle of the week. I like knowing that tomorrow I can say, "Tomorrow is Friday!" This week has been a short one by definition of days I worked. However, a long one by the speed at which that work passed! The kids are nuts and fully ready to be out of school. I worked last night after school and in the 7 hours I worked, we brought in $185. A sloooow night. Today will be much of the same.

I know you are all dying to hear about my BBQ!! It was a blast. We had a great blend of people over. I love mixing different groups of friends (camp, IHS, danielle lol) and watching them all just chat so easily and enjoy each other's company. It happens a lot when you surround yourself with so many good people. The food was DELICIOUS! I did overeat. There is no doubt on that. But, most (notice I didn't say all) of what I had was healthy. To start off, we had regular salsa with regular tortilla chips. BF had some kind of spinach dip with potato chips. I made the mango salsa recipe that Dawn gave me with my beloved pita chips. I doubled the recipe and it all went. That is A LOT of mango salsa. But, it wasn't as good as Dawn's...typical. haha. I think I should have bought a different kind of mango. (Did you know there were different kinds?!!? Apparently BF did and shared that AFTER the BBQ!) Most people showed up between 4 and 6. A great time to begin grilling! We threw on some burgers and hot dogs. I bought veggie burgers and had one on a WW english muffin as opposed to the regular bun. As side dishes, we had a terrific potato egg salad a friend made. I am sure this is not healthy so I only had a spoonful of that. Then I took some pita chips and mango salsa. Voila! I also made a tomato and mozzarella salad. I only took a piece of mozza. Ok, fine....I took two. I love cheese lol. For dessert, fruit salad galore! We never made the angel food cake. But I made it for dessert at home on Monday.

So, when did I overeat? Well at some point around 10pm I wanted a hot dog. And after copius (total Terence word!) amounts of Corono LIGHT (as per Erin's suggestion lol), there was nothing convincing me not to eat the hot dog. I am totally fine with my eat well during the week and binge on the weekend cycle. However, I only have 10 DAYS LEFT before I get weighed in again!!! I did not have the heart to weigh myself this week. Maybe this weekend, before Tara's wedding. I know I have surpassed everyone else when it comes to $$. The lbs....hmm, we are going by percentage so it is hard to gauge.

I have another friend in crunch mode for weight loss....so, the countdown begins!!

"Give a man a bbq feed him for a day. Teach a man to bbq and feed him for the summer" - Jesus

I found this quote a sight that distorted all sorts of famous quotes into ones about bbqing. Some actually made me laugh. Such as, "Spare rib anyone?" - Adam or "It is better to have burnt and lost, then never to have barbecued at all" - William Shakespeare. Quite the wit and yet, it holds great truth in my mind. There is such a great feel to the beginning of the summer (when you get through the rain and this cold weather!), People are outside again, sun is brighter than ever, friends get together more often and kids are playing in the street! One of the main reasons why I love summer is for the bbq parties. I just love them! Perhaps that is why bf and I have been hosting a bbq for Memorial Day over the past few years.

However, along with this comes the greasy burger, the thick potato roll, the gooey cheeses and the plentiful Corona cooler. Somehow, I am thinking, the fat off idea isn't going to fly with this menu. I have decided to adapt the menu this year so that I can be a bit more aware of the food that goes in. Instead of the seven layer dip or spinach dip, I am going with veggies and ranch dressing. Classic and easy. Also, I am going to (attempt to) make my sis-in-law's mango salsa. We tried it in Cuse and it goes VERY well with the pita chips. That can be a fun snack.

For the main grilling? I will still do the fatty burgers and dogs. But, I will also do veggie burgers. Whenever I go to bbq's, I always bring the WW or low-fat store brand English muffins to put the burgers on. I really like them much more and I find they fill me up just as much! I am going to mix salsa and ranch dressing for a topping to the burgers in addition to the classic ketchup. As a side dish, I am going to make the Thai Green Bean something or other that my sis-in-law also gave me. Of course a fruit salad for dessert, but I may also go with an angel food cake.

At this point, we are having about 10-15 people so it will not be too bad to prepare for this many. I would like more ideas! How do you get around the BBQ blues? Come on, look at the quote. If you don't teach me how to do a bbq, I may never eat this summer!

Happy Memorializing!!! :)

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone

Here I go again.....I ate like an animal this weekend! haha I am not letting it get me down though. I enjoyed every bite of it! Ok....and glass of it! :) I have been back on track this week and feeling like the healthy eating is coming quite easy for me. I am not hungry at constant times. I feel tempted by certain things ( like today's lunch of grilled cheese and french fries!). But, if I simply ignore the option, it goes away. I am going to begin getting back to the gym this weekend. I know it sounds so lazy to say this weekend instead of today. However, today I have to work late and then tomorrow is jury duty (oh joy) followed by interviews for Camp. The schedule is just too much for me lately!



On a rare occurrence, boyfriend and I got to drive into Philly last night for dinner. We were celebrating the graduation from nursing school of a very dear friend. As someone at the table said, it made Monday fun! We went to a restuarant called Miromoto. Amazing!! It was a japanese restaurant and the ambiance was fantastic. We had dinner with a group of people that we don't get to see often. However, last night made me realize why Jun refers to them as family. When most of us are with family, we feel a sense of comfort and joy to be with people who don't require a pretense. The good humor and ease of conversation are aspects I always cherish when with my family. Last night was much of the same. I have met this family all of one time. And yet, they welcomed me to their table with open arms. The food....oh goodness, I wish I had the words. I cannot say there was a time when I had such fantastic sushi! (I included a pic of mine and Jun's food so your mouth can water over it). I am thinking this probably isn't accurate, but I cannot believe that japanese food is unhealthy in anyway. Therefore, I believe I stuck to the healthy eating last night!!!

As for the knee, I am waiting for the doctor's office to get back to me on the authorization from insurance for the MRI. Once that is in order, we will move on with the process in HIGH HOPES that surgery is not the end result. Happy Tuesday People!!! I hope today brings you great joy and happy eating! :)

When your image improves, your performance improves. --Zig Ziglar

I was sitting in the faculty room today during my lunch period. I had not gone over to the tables yet because I wanted to check my email before eating. There is a partition in between the side with the tables and the side with the computers. As I sat at the computer, I was overhearing much of the conversations my coworkers were having. It began with the regular American Idol chatter, then moved into the craziness of the children and how the year needs to end soon, and then got into the interest in what each person was eating. Quite frequently, we share recipes because of the wonderful smells that fill the lunch rooms (leftovers from dinner the night before). When all of a sudden, I heard one of our teachers say to the table, "Have you guys seen Colleen? She looks terrific!" OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THE JOY!!! I smiled to myself and did not let on that I heard the comment because I was just simply relishing in the idea that people are talking about it when I'm not around! In this past week, many people have commented on how they can see a change in me. I don't know why but in my own mind, I write it off to wearing a flattering outfit on that day. However, if someone says it without me knowing? Well then, IT MUST BE TRUE!

This wonderful gift was given to me at a good time. I have been battling a wicked head cold all week. In addition, I finally went to the orthopaedic yesterday. Now, I still have to get an MRI done so nothing is official. But, he thinks I re-tore my ACL. Which is NOT good news. Depending on the severity, I may need to get surgery again. Remember how awful I felt after that surgery? Ugh, the pain meds, the crutches, the TERRIBLE physical therapy. Oh, pray this does not need to happen again! BUT, he did say that I can use the bike and any other low impact exercising for my knee. So, I am going to take H's advice and work my butt off at the gym. If the bike is the only cardio....then I will find new ways to work it!!!

I am down 11 lbs. Thanks to the FANTASTIC students at my school, I have an extra $400 tacked on to my flat rate total. This means, as of right now, I have raised $2305!!!!! Who knew this would be such big fundraiser?!!?!?

Maybe I should have said hi to my knee more often....

I started the week with such good energy and motivation! I still have the motivation...energy is pretty good cnosidering it is Thursday. But, I am stuck. Monday was a great day. I had no meetings, I had no phone calls to make, I had no applications to mail out (for camp). So, I got home and went walking after having dinner with my parents. It felt good. It was somewhere between 65 and 70 degrees. Sun was setting. I was on my way to good walk.

I have been very careful about not going outside because of the difficulties I have had with my knee the past few months. I walk on the treadmill at the gym and make sure I use the bike frequently. But, walking outside is sooo much better! I went for a good walk and my knee felt strong. I could tell I worked out the rest of me well and I was not in pain. This was an accomplishment! I stretched my knee a few times before I went to bed that night ( as per Doctor Trainer Joe) and I was feeling on top of my game. I woke up the next morning, stretched again, felt great!

And then I made the mistake of walking around my dining room before leaving for school (!?!?!). My knee locked up and gave out again. I calmly talked myself through the initial sensitivity. After a minute, I tried walking and knew my knee would not support my weight. And there it was, yet again, a day of limping and a swollen knee by the end of the afternoon. It has been getting slightly better since Monday but I am still limping. I can't go walking. Furthermore, I can't even really exercise at all. I am staying on top of my crunches and leg lifts but I need my cardio! I am down about this. I feel like I am just destined to stay a plus size. Why is there something fighting against me feeling good about myself and keeping weight off??? Why can't my knee support my weight when that is the SOLE purpose of it?? How am I supposed to continue on this weight loss pattern if I can't work out? Is this God's way of saying slow down? If so, I hear Ya but couldn't You lessen the harsh reality?

I am going to see a doctor on Wednesday. I know it is not today but that is the earliest I could do it. I don't know what more they could do considering the surgery 7 years ago OBV did not work. Pray for me. I need it!

"Where man sees but withered leaves,God sees sweet flowers growing." - Albert Laighton

Aaaah the sweet smell of spring!!! I was back at school today after a four day weekend. A relaxing, rejuvenating four day weekend. I spent most of it in Syracuse which was EXACTLY what I needed. A time to get away and stop thinking about the daily grind. It amazes me how jut a simple break of routine can serve as such a renewal of energy and focus. I can feel the new life of Spring blooming within me. I am ready to finish up the school year on a positive and patient (been running low on that with my kids) note. I am ready to begin my second month of the Fat Off with a determination doubling the first! I am excited to feel the joys of success! It is funny how life can come to a point where monotony is overriding the joy of everyday tasks. I was feeling very low and rundown last week. Getting away made things seem a little less overwhelming. I came back from the weekend feeling more capable of love, sharing my joy, and finding success in my recent endeavors.

I heard on the radio this morning that Americans were polled on whether they would want more money or more free time. Most said more free time. Isn't it interesting that we find ourselves so caught up in taking care of responsibilities that we just let ourselves get lost in the shuffle? I say, no more! I want to make time for me. I want time to read a book. Time to sit in quiet and write. Time to go to the gym when I want. Time to watch a movie with boyfriend without getting interrupted by cell phones or emails. Time to have a cup of coffee and chat with my mom instead of catching up only once a week. Time to make a good meal so I am not tempted to eat fast food. I will do all of this. Over the next month, I am promising to myself (with you as my witness) that these things will take place.

I weighed myself when I got home on Saturday and I am still down ten pounds. This is a good number but I must push forward. I am going to the gym now and will be doing the same after school tomorrow and on Wednesday. I am trying to stay focused and not give up on this lifestyle! It is hard but knowing you are supporting me is a huge help!!!

Happy Monday to you all!!!!